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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036843">My Reason</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadistcshy/pseuds/sadistcshy'>sadistcshy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Loud House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Schizophrenia, Slice of Life, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:53:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadistcshy/pseuds/sadistcshy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Loan Loud's life used to consist of disassociating herself from reality in an attempt to escape her medical condition, that was until she finally found someone capable of staying inside her head and give her the peace she had long for.</p><p>Disclaimer: The characters in this story aren't a product of Loudcest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Meeting The Cursed Dragon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Coverart made by: Marcustine</p>
<hr/><p>Inside a dark and quiet room, a girl was resting on her bed. The light from the TV in front of her flickered constantly, almost as if they followed the rhythm of her fingers pressing the buttons of the control laying on her legs. If it weren't for the amount of trash piled up in her room, along with the trash holding down the curtains, the morning light would have a chance to at least zip through the windows into her room.</p><p>If it weren't for the pestilence inside those four walls, the smell of food being prepared would now be haunting the room. The girl did not seem to mind such things, the only thing that caught her attention was the pixels moving on the screen and the huge numbers that piled above her character with every move she made.</p><p>The door to her room opened and a woman with a voluptuous body entered, her bright blond hair barely reaching her neck, her demeanor was vulgar and simple; but her clothes: a long tight long skirt, the plain shirt, and her tuxedo jacket, they were worth to be seen in any CEO of a respectable company.</p><p>This woman was the mother of the girl, Lori Loud.</p><p>"Loan," she said and waited a moment to see her daughter's reaction... Nothing. Lori carefully moved through the garbage in the room and opened the curtains.</p><p>The morning light reflected on the screen and outshone the pixels. Loan had to hit the pause button and stood there watching, waiting for her mother to leave. That did not happen, her mother stayed a moment inspecting the room. She took off her jacket and pulled out a rubber band to hold her hair up.</p><p>"Go for your breakfast and take a bath." She paused for a moment to stretch and take a breath, that last action almost made her vomit "God, it literally stinks of death in here...</p><p>Loan stood up, almost tripping over herself during the first steps. Her eyes stayed on the ground, avoiding both the sunlight and her mother's gaze. Before walking out the door, she stood at the door, as if she was going to say or do something, but then she walked back to the kitchen.</p><p>The kitchen had a modern design, white walls, a glass table with a black frame, and matching chairs. Just in between the main table and the rest of the kitchen stood a bartender table, with drinks stored down in the shelves. Aside from that, there was the usual: fridge, dishwasher condiment racks, etc... all placed in a semicircular shape that covered half the room.</p><p>Loan went to the table, a chicken sandwich waiting for her along with a jug of orange juice and another one with water, and fruits of all sort tidily placed in the basket at the center of the table. The girl took the chicken out of the sandwich and ate it slowly, each bite accompanied by several sips of the juice.</p><p>After a few more bites she left the rest of the food and took a banana from the basket as dessert, calling it a meal. The next thing was to take a bath, but Loan decided to stay for a while and rest first, just close her eyes and enjoy the quietness for a moment...</p><p>Her mother's voice woke her soon after, telling her that she will get a visit later. Now there was a real reason to take a bath.</p><p>When she entered the bathroom, the first thing she did was see her face, which instantly wrinkled with disgust, she had several pimples on her face, dark spots on her neck and behind her ears, and black ink made out of dead skin under her eyes.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"With some makeup, I could make them look like the eyes of a raccoon," Loan said while cleaning herself. Several skin products were between her and the mirror, these could help her look healthy but they were unable to remove the expression of disgust on her face.</p><p>Loan went straight to her room, satisfied with the amount of time wasted in the self-care of her skin. Once there she found two large garbage bags in the corner; next to this, at the connector, an automatic air freshener was connected. Loan took a deep breath of the new lavender scent in her room and let it out slowly before saying:</p><p>"<em>Yeap</em>. I have to admit it, the place feels a little bit better..."</p><p>Lori scanned her from top to bottom and a smile arrived to charm her exhausted expression.</p><p>Loan instinctively contracted knowing what was about to come: the impending hug, and the same old words.</p><p>"I just want to remind you that I love you very, very, much." She said before kissing her daughter on the cheek. That was the way Lori liked to finish that sentence every day before revealing her real intentions...</p><p>"Have you thought about that today?" Lori asked, almost in a whisper. That way it hurt her less to accept the truth within that question.</p><p>"Yeap, you know, it's the usual... "her daughter answered calmly," It doesn't matter.</p><p>"You matter...</p><p>Loan didn't want to go any further, so after a brief moment of silence, and with an inquiring tone, she asked, "So, Ma... Who's the one coming?</p><p>"Your uncle's son is coming and I need you to spend some time with him. I've heard that he likes comics, video games, and other things that you like," Lori then separated from her daughter and added, "so, what do you say? I think the two of you can get along."</p><p>Loan frowned, confused, "Since when Uncle Lincoln has a son?"</p><p>He adopted one two months ago, I can't remember his name, but I do know that he goes by the nickname Bobby.</p><p>Loan shrugged and went back to her bed to play. Her mother looked at her watch and hurried out of the room, taking the bags of trash with her. The sound of the TV soon filled the empty space in the room again, leaving the young woman to plunge into her world with ease.</p><p>A boy invading her personal space; that was the first thing she wanted to worry about. Spending energy and wasting her time playing childish games with him, there was even the possibility of having to do physical activities, those were all thoughts that she wanted to bother her. To her bad luck, and health, the first thing that crossed her mind was:</p><p>
  <em>Will he be cute?</em>
</p><p>She paused the game for a moment and leaned her body forward.<em> I'm a disgusting living creature...</em> She thought before returning to her game.</p><p>"<em>Come on, my child,</em>" Loan paused the game once again," <em>I know you can behave like a normal human being for a few hours,</em>" It wasn't her mother's voice she was hearing, just a warning that she hadn't taken her medication.</p><p>"<em>Although you could also try to do something to him, you know, something nasty. That way we both win, you have a moment of happiness to yearn for the rest of your days, and I will have the opportunity to get you out of my life."</em></p><p>Grunting, she leaped off the bed and went to get her meds. On her way there she met again with her mother, who reminded her how much she is loved before embracing her again. Those were genuine gestures, but no matter how hard Loan tried, she couldn't accept them. Instead, she learned to just let her mother be; at the very least someone will enjoy the hug at the end that way.</p><p>"See you later mom, take care of yourself," Loan said before getting her body back from the tender hands of her mother.</p><p>"See you later dear. You know, if anything happens do not hesitate to call me."</p><p>Loan took her pills and returned to her room shortly after to continue her play session and thus take advantage of the remaining time for herself. The voices in her head soon dissipated thanks to the treatment so it got easier for her to not notice the hours flying by.</p><p>So much was her trance that it wasn't until the third knock on the door that she realized her Uncle's had arrived. "Oh, shi- I'm comin... Agh!" This time Loan couldn't help tripping over herself, yet she was able to compose herself quickly and open the door to her room.</p><p>Frowning at the blinding light, she greeted her uncle as best as she could before turning her face down for the sake of her pupils.</p><p>"Hi Loan, I'm so glad to see you again, I'd like to have more time to chat and catch up but I'm in a hurry. I really need a time machine right now."</p><p>"Couldn't Aunt Lisa make one? "Another voice asked, one that made Loan focus on the boy behind her uncle. The conversation continued yet Loan couldn't keep up with the things being said. The girl was lost in the cuteness of the creature in front of her. A little boy of pale-like brown skin, freckled, long black hair down to his neck: a mess but adorable in its own way. Wearing a red hoodie and shorts so loose that it seemed as if his body was floating beneath the clothes.</p><p><em>It's even worse than what I thought, <b>he's very cute</b>... oh hell, this is wrong...</em> Loan thought, her gaze still fixed on the boy, whom to make the situation even worse, smiled kindly at her.</p><p>"Loan?" She was finally brought back to the present. In front of her, her uncle was handing her a chocolate bar still in its packaging. Loan took it quickly, grateful for the snack. "I think you and my son Bobby will get along, I explained your situation and he took it surprisingly well. It would be great if you two turn into good friends, everyone needs one. But hey, I'm already talking too much. Tell your mother I'll be back late at night. I'll try to bring you something from the convention if given the chance."</p><p>"Eh? I convin- don't worry, you don't need to give me anything," Loan added quickly.</p><p>"Sorry but I can't take a no for an answer this time, Miss," he smiled "Well, see you later my champ. "Bobby nodded happily and said goodbye to his father."</p><p>Now alone, anxiety didn't hesitate in taking Loan as a prisoner. She did want to be nice to the boy but whenever she tried...</p><p>"Ah ... hey ... wh- ah ..."</p><p>Loan was unable to articulate words... Fortunately, Bobby seemed like a reasonable person, giving her time and not focusing on the weird antics of the girl.</p><p>Although she was still unable to pull words out of her mouth, a simple movement of her body to let the boy see the huge TV inside the room and the control resting on the bed, the perfect way for her to invite him.</p><p>"Uhm ... We can talk later if you want, I'm a bit tired so if I can only watch you play then that is enough for me."</p><p>Loan nodded several times and invited him in with a gesture and let her body rest on the bed while Bobby went for the bean bag next to her. Once back in her comfort zone, and distracted from the boy's appearance, Loan was able to relax once again.</p><p>Bobby for his part could only watch in amazement at the girl's ability, unable to help but show his astonishment through...</p><p>"Wo- Woah! wai- how?! that is amazing!"</p><p>Vague words and utter glee.</p><p>Loan took with pleasure the adorable mix of gestures and gibberish words coming from the boy.</p><p>"You are impressive in this game, I did not know that you could do that many combos with that character," Bobby said, his mind finally able to utter words properly. Now was Loan's time to be surprised, since prior to that point she thought that Bobby was amazed by the game and not by <b>her </b>playing the game.</p><p>"W-wait, really?"Loan had to stop the game, "Naah I'm terrible."</p><p>"You're playing at the last difficulty and no one has been able to hit you in four fights in a row!"</p><p>"But they are still bots, I would get torn into pieces in the PVP, ha... haha... " she laughed shyly, "D-do you think I should try?</p><p>Bobby nodded euphorically, the glimmer in his eyes cutting Loan out of all insecurity for an instant, enough that the joy of the moment drove her to end her game and return to the game's main menu.</p><p>By the time her senses had come back into the present the screen was showing another player choosing a character. "Uh? ah! I did not notice w-when I got into the PVP!" she stuttered "ahm... I-I don't know what to do"</p><p>"Use your best character, it'll be more comfortable for you," Bobby added, who to Loan's surprise, was now on the bed, right next to her.</p><p>Loan picked the comic relief character of the game: a robot controlled by a cat; Not because it was her best character, but because another idea had popped in her mind. As she cunningly won each of her fights she turned to see Bobby's reaction.</p><p>She did not mind losing some fights in the process, for the happiness she managed to see in the boy was a better reward than some pre-recorded voice every two minutes. Unfortunately for the girl's amusement, the hours had taken their toll on their bodies and Bobby's stomach was the first one to complain.</p><p>"Ugh, come on~" he grunted before turning to Loan with a fluttered expression, "excuse me... it's the first time I've heard my stomach sound like this.</p><p>"Don't worry, mine has been worse. "Come, let's heat something up, my mother always leaves food ready for the rest of the day."</p><p>When Loan got to the kitchen she found two items wrapped in a bag inside the fridge. She put them in the microwave and then turned to Bobby, smiling and sitting at the counter, less than a meter from her. It was then and there that everything stopped.</p><p>The calm that she had been carrying until now had dissipated, she was at the open once again, being her, being in charge, supervising a minor; a minor who reminded a side of her that she despised. "A-ahm..."</p><p>"My father told me you have a condition," added the boy. "When I was at the orphanage I met a boy who suffered from autism. He was very nice. It's strange now that I think about it because every time I spent time with him I had this weird urge to protect him..."</p><p><em>¿A little kid taking care of me? That would be like that one mang- no, don't think about that!</em> Loan frowned hard; as if she was trying to suppress the thought by brute force.</p><p>"I would like to know more about yours... if that's okay with you," Bobby added as he leaned forward to her.</p><p>"A-ahm ... let's just say..." For a moment Loan thought about the possibility that the boy wouldn't believe her, or that he would saw something wrong with her once she opened to him, "no. You know, I don't feel comfortable about it ... maybe some other time."</p><p>"Fair enough for me... May I tell you about mine?" This brought a look of confusion to the face of the young woman, who asked for explanations immediately "In the orphanage a doctor visited us every few months to check us, being someone who spent most of his life in an orphanage I have seen many people leave my life and never come back ... the doctor told me that I generated some kind of trauma because of it. I walk away from commitment because the idea of losing people again scares me. "He leaned back. "It's weird... Should I feel this comfortable when talking about this with you?"</p><p>Loan decided to answer with a shrug, and since she was still unable to fully open up to him, she decided to escape to the safety inside the fridge, where her eyes and Bobby's wouldn't meet. And while she was pretending to be looking for something that wasn't there, said: "You will not have to worry about those things anymore. Lincoln is a good father, so much so that he decided to have a family and support it all by himself. Besides our family is very close, with the odd one exception every few months but nothing out of the ordinary ... unless you give Lupa a knife ... or if you go to our aunt Luan's house in April... but I prefer not to talk about that.</p><p>"Well, so far I know I can count on you and Dad."</p><p>Loan stopped in her track for a moment, <em>I'm not someone you should trust... </em>then turned to him again, <em>but I can't tell you to not trust me either, not now.</em> She thought before returning to hide between the cold walls. "You Can count on me to hang out, but I advise you to befriend your other new sisters. They are of your age so it'll be easier to be with them.</p><p>A bell alerted Loan that the food was ready. She opened the microwave's door, releasing the smell from within its walls.</p><p>"It smells delicious. "Bobby said, droll oozing out to his lips. Loan also shared Bobby's thoughts about the smell of the food; but, as she served it, and set the silverware on the table, she couldn't just get her mind off from thinking: "This smell is too good to be of something made by my mother."</p><p>Loan was incredulous, to the point of looking if there was any label or invoice in the bag where the food was.</p><p>"It's because my dad made them, he told you that just before leaving.</p><p>"Huh?" Loan then reacted surprised, and had to compose herself at blind speed "n-no, it's just that I had forgotten. I was thinking of other things at the time."</p><p>"<em>Like the things you would do if I were to be naked?"</em></p><p>Loan clenched the fork in her hand and focused, her eyes glaring at the plate below her. luckily, Bobby was too focused on his food to notice her reaction.</p><p>"Do you want to do something after eating?" Loan asked, her hand's pulse trying to reveal the fear caused by the words she heard earlier.</p><p>"Well ... I was planning to keep watching you play if that's not a problem for you."</p><p>Loan's fear faded shortly after, she nodded and continued with her lunch, not realizing how much she was eating until she saw the two plates in the sink. It wasn't a big deal for her at the moment so she decided to go back to the room with Bobby.</p><p>Upon entering the room Loan noticed that Bobby was lying on her bed, resting on her chest and staring blankly. <em>It looks so cute. It makes me want to cuddle with him... </em>Loan shook her head to kick those thoughts out and then went to the bed.</p><p>"I have to collect some items from an event in another game and then we can go back to this one."</p><p>"Don't worry, it doesn't matter as long as I get to see you play."</p><p>At first, those words made Loan felt bad for not allowing her guest to play. However, the feeling disappeared shortly after when the screen began to glow and show chests of all sizes and colors. Soon after, a huge list was opened where various objects and special names were mentioned, each one categorized by color.</p><p>Loan settled her back against the wall. The missions on the list were so easy that they did not require attention nor effort. The only thing that kept her playing was the serotonin obtained with each completed task.</p><p>On the other hand, Bobby was totally immersed in the game. His body tensed and relaxed as if imitating the character on screen. When Loan hid out of the sight of the enemies, Bobby would press his head against the bed, hiding half of his face between his arms. When Loan moved underwater, Bobby breathed more slowly, or even held his breath.</p><p><em>He looks so cheerful... and he's not even playing... </em>Loan paused and stared at the boy until he, confused, stared back at her.</p><p>"Is there something wrong, Loan?"</p><p>"It's just... I want you to play too." "She passed the control, slowly, her hand fidgeting, and her smile, although genuine, was hurting the muscle on her face and it was shown on the effort she made to keep it up.</p><p>"But I don't know how to play, even worse I've never used a control like that."</p><p>"It's not that difficult, I'll put you in a safe area to practice," Loan stopped in her tracks when she saw the boy approach her quickly, by the time she managed to react Bobby was sitting on her lap with control in hand. "ahm ... I- me-m."</p><p>
  <em>It's so warm, fluffy, soft...</em>
</p><p>Loan couldn't help but tighten her legs around him a bit, which only served to set Bobby in place better. "Ahm," Loan closed her lips tightly and disguised her real reaction with a quick yawn.</p><p>
  <em>Calm down Loan, you can handle this later. Don't ruin the moment for little Bobby.</em>
</p><p>The heat radiating within her was only a sign of her anxiety gathering strength. Knowing this, Loan took several deep breaths to calm herself.</p><p>"You know," Loan's back immediately straightened at Bobby's voice, "I used to have an older sister in the orphanage, I loved it when she held me..." Bobby then pulled away from her, which made Loan's body rose in reaction, yearning to keep the boy's warmth close to her. "I know I should give you your space, you have your own problems and I shouldn't-"</p><p>Loan, grumbling, took Bobby and made him sit on top of her again. She did not find in her the strength to release her thoughts, so the strength ended up going to her arms, which now embraced the little boy.</p><p>Bobby took that as a sign that it was okay to stay that way, thus his attention returned to the joystick. After a few seconds, his hands had become used to the buttons and sticks, shortly after Loan's grip gave up and turned into a tender hug.</p><p>Bobby found no problem playing at ease within the safe zone, experimenting and fighting enemies too weak to be a challenge for him.</p><p>Loan, on the other hand, was calmly resting her head on Bobby's mattress of hair. Her heart and mind had calmed down, she knew she was safe and understood that her urges weren't strong enough to drive her to do something horrible.</p><p>Every time Bobby improved on a skill or found something new, she either squeezed him a little more or rub her face against his head in an affectionate way.</p><p>Minutes turned into hours and in the process Loan received two achievements that otherwise would have been a nuisance to her. Internally, she didn't know how Bobby could have so much fun in one area, yet it didn't bother her, since all she cared about at the moment was enjoying the company and sniffing the hell out of the boy's thick hair.</p><p>"I would like to stay like this forever..."</p><p>Bobby smiled and bruised a little laugh. "I quite like hanging out with you too, but I think that with that plan we'll starve in a few days.</p><p>The blush on the young woman was highlighted by the bright light of the television, luckily her visible grief went unnoticed by Bobby.</p><p>
  <em>AaaaAaA~, did not think I had said that out loud. Quick, impro- say something!</em>
</p><p>"Right, food. I think it's a good time to have a snack, how about some popcorn? I also have some animated movies that we could see."</p><p>Bobby agreed and Loan quickly went to make about four bags of popcorn. It took her a few trips, but she managed to meet her goal and bring five full cups, a pitcher of orange juice, and two glasses on a silver tray. She settled down next to Bobby and he asked if he could sit on top of her again, a request that Loan couldn't refuse.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Loan pulled a blanket over her and covered the two of them before turning the room's temperature down. Now settled, they prepared to spend the rest of the afternoon watching movies, eating, enjoying each other's company, and pulling some jokes about the plot from time to time. By the time they were finished eating and drinking everything, the weight on their stomachs, the fatigue, and the coziness made out of their own bodies' heat acted as an excellent sleeping pill.</p><hr/><p>The door of the room swung open and revealed the blinding light from the other side, and between it all, a tall figure stood, his chest and face covered by the boxes and objects that he was holding. He walked in, his stride methodical and silent.</p><p>"Wow, I think my hunch was right, these two will get along very well," Whispered the figure.</p><p>Grunting and mumbling curses, Loan woke up, thinking at first that her mother had arrived. Shortly after, the weight and heat of the boy brought her back up to date with the events that had transpired. Looking back at the figure, she noticed by the white hair that the being in front of her was her Uncle, Lincoln Loud.</p><p>"Oh, hello Uncle, it seems you got early..."</p><p>"¿What are you talking about? it'll be midnight in a couple of hours. But well that doesn't matter, I see that Robert is already asleep."</p><p>"¿Robert?" Asked the girl while frowning in confusion.</p><p>Lincoln wrestled out one of the boxes in his possession, said box fell onto the bean bag beside the bed; a gift for his niece. "Yes, Bobby is his nickname. When his mother left him in the care of others, she gave him that nickname on a card along with his name. that kind of details usually mean something, so Robert held that nickname as a treasure."</p><p>"Wow," Loan then looked closer to Bobby and smiled, "Actually, We didn't really talk too much," she paused for a moment. "I'd like to get to know him more."</p><p>
  <em>I'd like to keep it, hehe ... Wait, NO. LOAN. NOT NOW.</em>
</p><p>"Can you carry him to the car? I wanted to come and show him all this to cheer him up but now... I prefer to let him sleep peacefully," Loan nodded, both by the request and by the desire to keep the child asleep and in her grasp for more time; of course, her uncle didn't need to know that last part.</p><p>After leaving Bobby in the car, Lincoln thanked her again and made sure to secure his son on the seat.</p><p>"Uncle Lincoln, I feel like it would be better for Bobby to get along with my other sisters instead of me. But honestly..." her right foot danced from one side to the other as she continued, "it wouldn't bother me at all to hang out with him again."</p><p>Lincoln placed his hand on Loan's head and caressed her gently; a gesture so small yet just as warm as the one his mother offers her every morning. "Don't worry Loan, I'm sure Bobby will also be delighted to spend time with you again." He said with a fleeting smile because the next thing he wanted to say had taken away the little happiness of the moment.</p><p>"Hey dear..."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Lincoln sighed quickly and let a smile emerge again on his face, "get some rest, you've already done a lot today."</p><p>"Will do..." Loan said with a smile, more a gift to her uncle than an actual expression, for she knew what the doubts in her uncle's tone meant, "you too, have a good night."</p><p>After saying goodbye, watching the happiness of her day disappear into the distance, and feeling how her body sank under its own weight once again, it wasn't an easy task stopping the negative thoughts from coming back. Yet Loan had an advantage, a tangible advantage embedded in her shirt that would allow her to evade her troubled mind for the rest of the night.</p><p>Using both hands she grabbed the bottom of her sweater and brought it to her nose to sniff out the scent Bobby had left there, her body vibrating at the sudden injection of all the memories of the day.</p><p>
  <em>Now, Loan. Now you can release the monster.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Grinding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loan was once again faced with a challenge, one that regardless of her experience and the number of times she had faced it in the past was as difficult to face as it was the first time.</p><p>It was Monday.</p><p>And she had to go back to class.</p><p>Her mother had just left her in front of the institution and reminded her daughter how much she loved her. Unlike at home, where Loan would have accepted her mother's words, here it was different.</p><p>Such displays of affection would've put her in the spotlight, so the first thing she did after getting out of the car was stride all the way to the school entrance without looking back.</p><p>Her mother had never reproached her for how cold she was when they arrived at school, but that did not make it easier for her to run away from her mother like she was doing at the moment.</p><p><em>I set that one day she will throw it in my face. She</em><em> thought as she scratched her neck</em>.</p><p>It was what Loan thought, since...</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>The hate that you hold against yourself makes you believe at times that everyone thinks the same way about you.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>She knew it by heart because that was what her therapist had explained it to her, more than once; and even with that...</p><p>"Ouch " Loan had collided with a boy, her weak body falling to the ground.</p><p>"Look where you're going, freak."</p><p>
  <em>I feel better when others treat me as badly as I do.</em>
</p><p>The boy departed, leaving Loan to take care of herself. The young woman got up as best she could, almost falling again when the lack of iron in her bloodstream played the cards against her senses. When she got up again she was mindful of the prying eyes around her, some with curiosity, others with disgust or with an air of superiority.</p><p>The latter would turn away from her, seeing her only as a source to refill their ego. But the first, the curious people eager to be helpful, those were the ones Loan watched carefully.</p><p>After such a scene no one would dare to approach her instantly, which gave her the opportunity to escape inside the building and into the classroom. The first hours of the morning passed without any problem for the girl, no one approached her and no teacher asked her to come forward to solve a problem, a good start for a Monday.</p><p>
  <em>Hopefully, the rest of the week will be the same ...</em>
</p><p>This thought did not please Murphy, whose law was mercilessly enforced at the start of the next class.</p><p>"Good morning students. I hope you are prepared to see your exams because I certainly was not prepared for what I found," And so he showed everyone one of the exams, perfect score. "Loan Loud, may you come in and take your exam?"</p><p>Loan was perplexed, and the silence in the room only reinforced the tension of the moment. She stood up abruptly, her hands tense and eager to escape instead of moving towards her teacher, and a cracked smile adorning her face. </p><p>Upon seeing her up close, the professor went from content to being displeased in an instant.</p><p>Loan hadn't take care of her face that morning, so the dark silhouette in her eyes and the layer of greasy dead skin were <b>difficult </b>to ignore.</p><p>"Miss, it would do you some good to take care of your appearance as well," the professor demanded.</p><p>The laughter soon appeared, "¡Students, this is not the time for mockery!" The professor declared with a severe tone.</p><p>But it was too late, the damage had already been done. Loan took the paper, her fingers clenching and crumpling the test, but she didn't tear it, as things were it would have just made a scene that would put more unwanted attention onto her.</p><p>She returned to her seat, containing her feelings within an apathetic expression until she could reach the comfort of her books and hide from her companions. The professor didn't say anything to her, but he did look at her worriedly. There was a class to attend so he left the matter for later and continued.</p><p>Of course, by the end of class, just before recess, he did notice an opportunity to get closer to his student. "Class, that's it for today. You can go and have some rest. With the exception of Miss Loan."</p><p>Loan knew what was coming, another attempt at helping her... or rather, someone else about to remind her that she needed help.</p><p>
  <em>"¿Well, well well, the <b>weird </b>girl will stay all <b>alone </b>with the teacher?"</em>
</p><p>Loan took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She just had to wait for the few people remaining to leave.</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, it all makes sense, it seems that Loan is about to get his extra points."</em>
</p><p>Loan sighed and scratched her neck and under her jaw again. She could clearly see that there were no longer any students left in the classroom except for her, but that didn't stop the voices.</p><p>
  <em>"Do you think he's sucking it? With the professor's expression, the least he's going to want is to have that crazy face close."</em>
</p><p>Her hand struck the desk, alerting the professor. She urged to her bag and began to search for something inside it, fluttering her hands around it, growling and muttering curses at the voices inside her head. Her annoyance finally disappeared when she found what she was looking for.</p><p>her pills.</p><p>By the time she looked back at the man, she was confused. "¿Eh? is there something wro- oh..." she said in the realization of the possible thought cursing her teacher's mind, "Don't worry, I would never get to do one of those stupid shootings. If something the only one I want to kill is myself ... but I'm too coward to finish the job."</p><p>"Miss Loan, what a horrible thing to say! I... " He paused for a moment, as if he had remembered something, "I am not qualified to treat you. First things first, I owe you an apology for my previous reaction."</p><p>"Thank you..." she said, avoiding looking directly at her instructor.</p><p>"That doesn't mean that my concern for your health wasn't honest. <em>You can kill someone with those looks."</em></p><p>Loan raised an eyebrow at the man, realizing shortly after that the medicine had not yet taken effect. "Look, I already have a therapist and she does the best she can. May I go now?"</p><p>The professor strained his face, unsure whether to let her go or not. "Miss, I have seen your grades to date, which is why I was surprised by your excellent score on this last test."</p><p>"Yes ... I was surprised too, It must be the new treatment, I can focus better. Now ... can I go?"</p><p>Loan scratched her neck with one hand while her other hand constantly shook as if she was cleaning her stall with it. This was not ignored by her teacher.</p><p>"Fine enough. I would love to talk more about that treatment with you, but that can wait. Let me just say this: Congratulations on your result, you have done an excellent job. You can now retire."</p><p>Loan spared no more time and left the room, somewhat content that her teacher wasn't pushing her further on the matter. Still, what her teacher had said ended up casting doubt in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>"I'm here trying to help you. And you decide to avoid me?! I am sure that neither my name is known, you should appreciate my effort!"</em>
</p><p>This time the voices spoke some truth. Loan recognized the teacher, and she really liked the class, but she didn't remember her teacher's name...</p><p>Maybe I shouldn't care too much, nobody can do anything to help me anyway, just me... and I... I just want to get home and forget that I exist.</p><p>Then an image jumped into her head: there was her, once again in the comfort of her cave; But there were changes, there was no garbage, her clothes were clean, her bed was clean, and more importantly, next to her was her new cousin ... smiling, a twinkle in his eyes ...</p><p>
  <em>So... beautiful, I want, I want to be with him again.</em>
</p><p>The cracked smile and blank stare she now had were getting the attention of prying eyes; but this did not matter, if something the only thing that she cared about was to keep floating in that dream.</p><p>But the problem with floating carelessly in such crowded airspace is that sooner or later an airplane will get you; two in this case.</p><p>"Agh , are you allri- Wow, is the weird girl!" Shouted the young man whom Loan had collided.</p><p>Loan hadn't even noticed when she'd hit the ground, but her body was already making sure to make her notice it seconds later. Grunting and sighing, she got up again.</p><p>Only to be pushed back down again, this time by the girl next to the dude from before.</p><p>"Now your place, you freak," she said with mischief and pride that were only highlighted by the smile and the look over her shoulder.</p><p>Loan growled again, but she didn't want to get into trouble. Once her tuition is over, or her life... she won't have to worry about these people ever again. So she sat there on the ground, hoping that the very disgust she provoked in others would make them leave her alone.</p><p>And it worked. The two of them went and left her. Loan paid no attention to them but to the people who stared at the scene, a dark, macabre smile on their faces.</p><p>Her eyesight, no matter how badly it has suffered from video games, is still good. So she knew that what she saw was not real... and yet that knowledge did not make her feel better in the slightest.</p><p><em>Stupid medicine, it only works when I don't need it</em>, Loan said before getting up again and making her way to the cafeteria, paying no attention to the whispers and people around her on the way.</p><p>When she finally reached the cafeteria and sat in the first empty spot she found. She took the lunch box out of her backpack; the food was fine, albeit, with all the events of the day, the things inside the luncbox were sparred in every direction. A mess.</p><p>it was not of great importance to her. Potatoes, vegetables, and the rest did not matter. the only thing she wanted was the piece of chicken in the center, which she ate in a matter of seconds before leaving.</p><p>But first, the girl went on to drink one of the juices being served to the students, the grape one. She turned around, and as she tried to get the itch off of her nose, she verified that no one was looking at her.</p><p>One or two curious looks here and there, but nobody was looking at her with ...<em> those eyes ...</em></p><p>It was still several hours before Loan could go back home, so she had to make sure to relax for the medicine to take effect. There was a problem...</p><p>
  <em>Where Should I go?</em>
</p><p>She found it curious at first to go outside, not for the act itself, but because there was a certain hope within her. Hope that she will find a comfy and fresh place to rest. Hope that was lost when upon arriving she realized that a boy was watching her from afar, more specifically he was seeing her with... <em><b>those eyes...</b></em></p><p>Loan could bear the teasing, the repudiation, and the hatred, but not what she saw in that boy's eyes: eyes of desire. Loan, in sheer disgust, didn't even want to acknowledge how he looked like. So she only cared to remember his hair and the type of clothes he wore: long brown hair fashioned into a ponytail and a plaid shirt.</p><p>Sighing back inside the building, Loan had to resign herself to her best option: go to the ladies' room and wait there for her next class.</p><p>The first thing she did upon arriving was to throw some water on her face to relieve the itching that was beginning to nag away from her neck. She then took a small gray hard-shell bag out of her backpack and took the portable console stored inside.</p><p>After playing for a while the stress insider her dissipated, giving her more energy to endure the hours to come.</p><hr/><p>Unlike in the morning, in the afternoon Loan would go back home on her own. The weather was fresh enough and the setting sun did not bother her in the least. Besides that, she loved the solitude she got during that little stretch.</p><p>Of course, it wasn't a ghost neighborhood either, but the people in their homes were too busy in their own lives to greet a dead girl walking.</p><p>Although there are always exceptions. A middle-aged lady, wearing a pink robe and with her hair wrapped in a towel, approached Loan.</p><p>"Loan, dear, good to see you, How are you?"</p><p>"Ah, all good- Good... afternoon," Loan said in a hurry, but the woman wasn't going to let her get away so easily.</p><p>"¡¿Little Miss, what is the trouble!?" grumbled the lady. "Today's kids are so eager to avoid conversations, give me some grief."</p><p>Loan had no choice but to turn back. <em>Agh ... it's good, Loan. Just do it for mom ...</em></p><p>"Cheer up a bit, that attitude is not good for a young lady. Ah, but what does it matter. I am sure you have to <b>be at that age,</b>" she claimed before making a sassy gesture with her hand. "It doesn't matter anyway, I just wanted to know about your mother's health, I heard that she had to go to the hospital a few days ago, looked like something serious."</p><p>"¿Huh? I don't know anything about that. Sure she har her bad times at the office, her job is very demanding and stressful," Loan said while shrugging her shoulders.</p><p>
  <em>Besides that, she has to deal with me on a daily basis.</em>
</p><p>"I see... well, ask her if she can take some time to speak with me, I can give her some tea recipes that will come in handy for that stress," the lady added before saying goodbye and going home.</p><p>Loan did not give importance to the matter, it was not the first time that she heard some stress-related incident with her mother.</p><p>
  <em>Although, she should take care of herself and take a break from time to time... Ah never mind, she will be fine.</em>
</p><p>Loan kept going and let her mind wander for the rest of the trip. Once she got home, all the physical and mental fatigue that could have remained within her being was gone in an instant, the reason: Bobby was there, sitting at the kitchen drinks table.</p><p>"Bobby... I, I wasn't expecting to see you today," the smile on Loan's face emerged immediately. And as fast as it lighted her expression, so it was turned off upon seeing the appearance of her cousin. "¡Wha- What the hell happened to you?!"</p><p>Bobby had bruises and scrapes on his legs, his hair and hoddie were covered in dust, and from the way he was rubbing his arms, it looked like he had been hurt there too.</p><p>Loan sat down on one of the benches to take a closer look at his cousin's injuries.</p><p>"Some bullies took me as their target, but don't worry, I'm fine."</p><p>Loan quickly went to get one of the first aid kits her mother had. Her pounding heart and the weight on her head tormented her in every step. She was upset, enraged, and it was the first time she had really experienced that feeling.</p><p>"If I ever find those children, I'm going to rip off the skin from their bodies," she muttered under her breath. "No, that would kill them. I want them to stay alive so they can see the wrongs they did." She added, the force of her footsteps muting her rants, "Ugh, I hate this feeling, I fucking want to do something but ... " She took a deep breath, her face still constipated from the fury inside her heart, "Calm down, Loan. Take it easy."</p><p>By the time Loan had returned the expression on her face was still upset, making it uncomfortable to look at Bobby with confidence. She sat down next to him and opened the box where the utensils were.</p><p>"Are you okay, Loan? you look upset."</p><p>"Yeah, I ... I'm upset about what those bullies did to you."</p><p>"Don't worry, haha," he said while trying to remove the dirt from his hair, "in the end, they are the ones who lost a friend."</p><p>Loan took a towel and began to brush the dust off the young man's legs, her thoughts a cluster of hatred and the conviction of seeing justice being served.</p><p>
  
</p><p>"it wasn't so bad anyway. Those guys only screwed me at the end of the day so I was able to enjoy my first day in school, and I made a friend along the way."</p><p>Those words managed to reach Loan's ears and activate the muscles in her mouth, and little by little she regained the ability to smile.</p><p>She took another washcloth from the box and applied some alcohol to it before cleaning the kid's leg. This obviously made Bobby jump in pain at the burning of the chemical.</p><p>"Oh! I'm sorry Bobby, I was careless..." Loan said and retreated a couple of steps from her cousin, her body eager to leave.</p><p>"No, calm down, you just took me by surprise. You can go on, I don't want the wounds to get infected."</p><p>"Are you sur..." Loan finally saw her cousin's eyes. He was happy, his face did not express any kind of doubt on her and that...</p><p>
  <em>I want him to be mine ...</em>
</p><p>That action twisted another part inside of her.</p><p>
  <em>I want to have you by my side every day...</em>
</p><p>Fortunately, even lost in her fantasies, Loan was able to continue doing her job: cleaning and disinfecting the boy's wounds, this time being careful not to press on the sore skin.</p><p>
  <em>To be with you in the long days to come, to be able to give you hugs and kisses and take care of this stupid world...</em>
</p><p>With the treatment applied, she took a brush and comb out of her backpack and began to remove all the dirt hiding throughout Bobby's lush hair. For this, she had to get up and move him to the chair beside her.</p><p>Bobby, tired and immersed in the caresses provided by his cousin, was unable to not let himself fell on Loan's breasts and rest.</p><p>
  <em>Aaaaaaaa ~ this ... and I-I- Control yourself, Loan!</em>
</p><p>The poor girl caught herself, breathing carefully and slowly as her mind and arms went about their work.</p><p>
  <em>Don't hurt him ... don't hurt him ... don't ...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No one is watching you, Loan, what's stopping you?"</em>
</p><p>Loan's movements slowed, her eyes slowly widening.</p><p>
  <em>"He's a boy, his instinct will prevent him from hating you if you <b>do things </b>right. You just have to use the right words and in no time he will be the one asking his father to go here so he can <b>play </b>with you... every day..."</em>
</p><p>"Bobby ," Loan lifted the boy out of his stupor and then whispered again: "Bobby, get up."</p><p>"Huh?" The little one woke up and wiped his eyes, "I'm sorry, I almost fell asleep."</p><p>Loan rubbed Bobby's hair, a smile still present on her face, before going to get some cold water from the fridge. She took out one of her pills and, after hesitating for a few seconds, swallowed it.</p><p>"what are those pills for?"</p><p>"My treatment, it helps my brain..." Loan closed the fridge's door, "they might take a while to do their job, do you want to do something in the meantime?"</p><p>"Oh, oh!" - Bobby said excitedly, and started looking for something in his bag "Aha!" Then he took out a dark brown flute. "Daddy gave me this in the morning. There is a story about it, you see..."</p><p>Bobby began to explain how he and the other children from the orphanage went to the local church every Sunday. The church, which provided them with food and gifts donated by the community, was at the same time a place of opportunity for them to be seen by families who wanted to adopt. But...</p><p>"The thing I loved the most about going to church was listening to the sister practicing on the church's piano. I wish I could be able to play the same pieces that she played..." his eyes were lost, amidst in a glow unknown for Loan - To be before a large audience and show them what I am capable of!</p><p>And after such a display of ideals and dreams, Bobby took his flute, breathed in, and...</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>FÚ RUUUUUUUUUUUUU.</b>
  </em>
</p><p>The roar of the little piece of wood almost broke several crystal glasses and the eardrums of the poor girl, who against her best wishes had to cover her ears and endure the pain for a few seconds before getting the stamina to stop little Bobby.</p><p>"Wow, wow," she sighed slowly, "I wasn't expecting that," she said with the greatest kindness she could achieve at time, "le- let's take it easy for now and look for some tutorials in the web, what do you say?"</p><p>Bobby nodded several times with enthusiasm, hopped off the chair, and approached Loan so eh could see the videos on her phone. The first hour went by as they practiced and then tried to replicate songs on their own. Some time later, Loan got several mobile applications that served to learn the basics, some even offered an option to practice with popular songs. The latter option was the reason behind the following hours of leisure and joy for both of them.</p><p>Time flew when Loan was together with Bobby, there were no voices, no illusions, no thoughts that haunted her, All there was was a wish.</p><p>Well, two wishes: The first was the lustful one, the one demanded by flesh and that she knew very well...  and this was the one that she planned to satisfy that very night in private.</p><p>As for the second...</p><p>The other wish that poured with joy her very existence was unknown to her, and it was the one keeping her calm and in control. She couldn't quite understand it but she knew by the feel alone that it was a good thing, something she should have all the time, every day, for the rest of her life.</p><p>And then Lincoln arrived.</p><p>"Seems like you are enjoying that gift, son," Lincoln announced as he entered the kitchen and went to give his son a hug. "Oh, Loan, I'm sorry for not telling you in advance that my Bobby would be coming here."</p><p>Loan smiled, "Don't worry, Uncle Linc, it's a pleasure hanging out with Bobby."</p><p>"Same for me, I love spending time with you siste-, I mean, Loan," That little gesture had kicked the confident Loan of the moment back to zero, leaving her perplexed, happy, and unable to speak.</p><p>Luckily for her, her uncle and cousin were already leaving, so she only needed to raise her hand to say goodbye as they left.</p><p>"See you later, Loan! I'll tell you more about my school next time. Oh, and also about a very pretty friend I made, she is wayyyy too cute, I'm sure you are going to love her!"</p><p>
  <em>Eh?</em>
</p><p>The two of them went down the hall that led to the entrance.</p><p>
  <em>Friend? Her?</em>
</p><p>And then they closed the door.</p><p><em>"</em>C-c-cute?"</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Meanwhile, Back At The Dragon's Lair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is not relevant enough for the overall story to be required to read... and contains sexual content. Enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loan's room was still clean from the last time her mother went through it. It was easy to breathe, yes, but at the same time, without the stench in the air clouding her senses it was harder to lose herself in her thoughts.</p><p>Adding up to that dilemma, she took her dose ahead of time, so her mind was in a lucid state... something that she rather would evade during her <b>private </b>time.</p><p>
  <em>Well... it was either taking those pills or put Bobby in danger...</em>
</p><p>Loan went to her closet and took out a garment: a satin blue nightgown. It had several folds of fabric which added weight to the dress. She liked those kinds of clothes, the extra weight helped her stay under control.</p><p>Loan then pulled a sweater that was laying under her pillow, it was the one she wore the day before. She held it close to her nose and sniffed the garment with gusto a couple of times.</p><p>"Yeap," She breathed in once again "Still has his smell," she said before removing a towel from a drawer above and spread it on top of her bed.</p><p>As she changed her clothes, Loan took notice at the time marked on the TV.</p><p>
  <em>I still have a few hours.</em>
</p><p>For weeks her mother had been turning back late from work, which meant more time for Loan to enjoy her privacy and unscrupulously enjoy the comfort of her television.</p><p>But... She didn't currently need the benefits of a giant screen and unlimited access to porn on the web. What she wanted at the time could only be created by herself. For this reason, after laying down on the bed, making sure the towel underneath covered her waist down, and that her used sweater rested close to her head, Loan pulled her robe up to her navel and turned off the television.</p><p>Inside the absolute darkness, the image of her disgusting body no longer existed. Within the void there was no beauty or norm, only flesh, and pleasure; it was inside this void that her soul could seek to please itself peacefully.</p><p>And so Loan proceeded to let her mind wander off... and soon after, she listened to a boy, telling him that his father had let him stay to sleep with her. She felt the boy climbing on the bed and was pleased when he rested his head on her chest.</p><p>Loan's breath was cut momentarily as a longing flame invade her.</p><p>"Bobby..."</p><p>The boy heard her voice and in response rubbed his soft face against the girl, inadvertently brushing her nipples hidden behind the cloth.</p><p>"Bobby, here..." her stomach suddenly contracted, forcing her to stutter a moan, "hm, put your hand here."</p><p>Loan guided the hand of the little one towards her body, brushing her skin and lumps as she moved his hand closer to her pelvis. Bobby stopped mid-way when he noticed where his hand was going and asked why he should put it there.</p><p>"I'll feel better if you do ... just ... just put, ah!"</p><p>Her eagerness made a bubble pop inside her boiling nether, giving her another contraction and stopping her mid-sentence. But that did not stop his little cousin, who, as curious as every child is, touched the new and tender texture before him, furrowing his fingers through the girl's garden.</p><p>Loan's breathing became heavier, sweat began to form, and along with this came the smell, something her cousin received with open arms. Bobby pegged his nose on the girl's chest, the essence of the girl proving itself too strong and exotic; so much in fact that Bobby could not help but open his mouth and inhale as if he tried to eat the girl's lust.</p><p>"Ta-take - Loan uncovered one of her breasts before her cousin, a cordial invitation for him to feast on her flesh."</p><p>"<em>It's ... so beau... can I suck it?"</em></p><p>Hearing that question made Loan's body vibrate from head to toe; it was impossible for her to contain the need to shove the kid's head to her exposed flesh, and so, she did just that.</p><p>"A-ah ...ye... like. That..."</p><p>The child slowly sucked the nipple, licking the areola and kissing the skin in between; and meanwhile, his adventurous hand had not yet discovered the hidden treasure beyond the girl's forest, which made Loan impatient and made each pulse within her furnace more difficult to assimilate.</p><p>As if their bodies were resonating with desire, the boy stopped, asking Loan for the meaning behind the discomfort under his pants.</p><p>"Uhm ... Bobby, I'll hmmm, I'll help you..." Loan said before releasing the boy from the cloth chains that gagged him.</p><p>His eyes were lost amidst the girl's lustful body, he didn't know what was going on but he was liking it, and Loan didn't only know that but also that <em>Bobby Jr. </em>also wanted answers to what he felt.</p><p>"Come... here..."</p><p>Carefully and delicately, Loan placed Bobby between her legs, making sure to place the boy's manhood on top of her spongy garden. The boy declared the success of his landing with a soft moan.</p><p>
  <em>"Lo-Loan... this ... it feels good..."</em>
</p><p>"Now you understand why I needed your help so much?"</p><p>Bobby nodded several times, his mouth releasing another moan, his back straightening soon after as Loan tightened her grip on his ass.</p><p>"<em>Sis... Loan...</em>" the boy sighed.</p><p>It was not the first time that the boy called her that, and honestly...</p><p>"It's. Okay. Bobby... you can call me whatever you want."</p><p>Loan didn't mind it.</p><p>Bobby, with his eyes shining and his mouth half-open, barely able to contain himself at the awakening of his libido, was unable to contain himself after hearing that barrier being destroyed.</p><p>"<em>Sister!</em>" Bobby extended his hand, making sure to feel every spot as he navigated the girl's skin until he finally reached the prize he longed for, Loan's chest, "sister Loan!"</p><p>"Yes ... it's yours," she said before shoving him down, making him fall on her, "<b>I</b><b>'m</b> yours ..."</p><p>"<em>Sister... ah~"</em></p><p>The boy's moans reverberated deep inside Loan's head, echoing in compass with Bobby's thrusting. The heat between her loins increasing as Bobby's meat rubbed against her.</p><p>His soft skin rubbing her legs, squeezing and kneading the soft flesh; it was too much for him. Bobby couldn't control that new feeling being injected into his veins, and consequently, his breathing had become as erratic as his movements.</p><p>"<em>Ah ... ha ... Lo ... ah Loan ..."</em></p><p>Loan didn't have it easy either, the craving heat inside her was begging for more, she needed him closer to her; to embrace his warmth.</p><p>The sweater, the sweater had to go.</p><p>"Little bro... take that off ... I need to <b>feel</b> you."</p><p>Bobby was unwilling to move too far from her, even if that meant a couple of inches, so he struggled his way out of taking off his sweater, mindful of not losing his grip. When he finally managed to free himself he hugged Loan tightly, making sure to touch every possible part of her body.</p><p>"Yeah, it's- oh~ that..."</p><p>Bobby, still immersed in the lustful flesh of his new proclaimed sister, and with his euphoria bordering on limits that were not known until that night, let his hands clench on the tender meat of Loan's rear and rammed his throbbing member on her.</p><p>It was clear what his body wanted, and she was more than happy to offer it to him.</p><p>"Bobby... aaaah~" The very idea of what was to come had given her a small, yet pleasant, spasm, which left her trembling for several seconds and at the same time unable to speak coherently.</p><p>Still, her body was able to finish the job, she just had to move at the right time, not before or after. And so she paid attention closely.</p><p>And then...</p><p>Their bodies had connected, Bobby casting the wave of pleasure that fell upon him in the form of a muffled scream that resounded on Loan's belly, who in response could only squeeze her legs and the manhood in between them while outlining a pleased smile on her face.</p><p>At last, with her beloved cousin inside the void that tormented her, Loan achieved for a brief moment the peace she had longed for...</p><p>Of course, if she wanted it to last, Bobby would have to keep moving, so her next action was to push her waist against him, inviting the boy to keep moving.</p><p>Bobby, with his eyes focused solely on her and his hands caressing her body, did not hesitate to accept the invitation and repeat the actions from before. Loan embraced him as the act continued, making sure to hold him close as he fed the fire inside her.</p><p>"Boo-oo-bbyy-yy~" Loan repeated with pleasure, for she loved to hear her own voice reverberate as she was getting pumped.</p><p>
  <em>"Lo-loan.... Something, something..."</em>
</p><p>Bobby gritted his teeth, his hands pinning Loan against the bed.</p><p>"Don't. you. Woo-oo-ryy-y."</p><p>His thrusts became more and more erratic, and little by little, the little boy pressed his body closer to his sister's.</p><p>"Inside. Deep. Please. I- I want..."</p><p>Loan's prayers were answered, the burning inside her bursting out as her body jolted from the pleasure generated by the implosion, Her mouth clamoring the name of his little cousin during the climax and the afterglow that followed.</p><p>"Ah~ he...he."</p><p>Loan's breathing was now slow and calm, the monster that ruled over her had been defeated, and now the only thing missing was the warmth of her cousin to occupy the new empty throne.</p><p>But that sweet end never came to be. Loan opened her eyes, she was back in her room, alone in the dark. The towel had served its purpose, and her robe, if somewhat battered, was still clean enough to be used for the night.</p><p>She took a deep breath and sighed slowly...</p><p>
  <em>Okay, remember Loan... this is better than ending up hurting Bobby.</em>
</p><p>Inside her head, she was able to make the experience as vivid as her mental condition allowed her.</p><p>She thought that, hopefully, that way of releasing her tension would be enough to live for the rest of her life without falling into her disgusting desires.</p><p>The downside was that unlike the porn she was used to consume, having someone like Bobby so close to her was far different from experiencing desire towards a fictional character. The characters in her comics and pornographic material did not know her, but Bobby did... and even more, Bobby seemed to be fond of her.</p><p>
  <em>It would help if he treated me differently at least... not in that cheerful... attached... affectionate and kind way...</em>
</p><p>Once again she found herself interrupted by her body's selfless desires. Another hungry monster had begun its reign. Sighing once more, Loan fixed the towel under her and braced herself for what was to come.</p><p>
  <em>Looks like another long night for us, Bobby.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The 'Cursed' Status</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was another cool afternoon for Michigan, the wind was blowing and the setting sun was bidding its warm goodbye to the townspeople; among these, there was Loan Loud, satisfied with the service offered by the weather. She was ready to get back to her home, take her pills, and enjoy the rest of the day in the dim light of her room.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I can finish the achievements that I have pending for...</em>
</p><p>Loan stopped when she noticed that the old family van was in front of her house.</p><p>
  <em>We don't usually have visits from my uncles until the weekend... or maybe...</em>
</p><p>Loan quickened her pace, a smile curving her face and spirit upwards. When she opened the door and reached the living room, she found her cousin sitting on the sofa, watching television, while her Uncle, Lincoln, went through the books on the shelves that covered the left wall of the living room.</p><p>"Good mornin- I mean, afternoon," Loan corrected quickly. They both turned to her and smiled, "Nice to see you two, Uncle Linc, Bobby."</p><p>"Loan!" Bobby exclaimed before running over to her, "We have news!" he added before taking her into a hug, "You're going to love it!"</p><p>Loan constrained herself in an attempt to contain the emotion of the hug, but she couldn't help but let out a guilty, and mildly lustful, sigh. Luckily for her, her reaction went unnoticed.</p><p>"There is an EVO event in the mall, it started recently and the entrance is not expensive so I thought I could take us all there..." Lincoln added before putting his hand on the back of his neck "and maybe I might as well entertain myself a bit..."</p><p>"The EVO? Oh right, the event, I saw it a few weeks ago on the forums, but I had forgotten," Loan said, the itch on her neck showing up shortly after. The event was going to be purely charitable so there would be no official competitions in it, which should have made it easier for Loan to attend...</p><p>But the itch said otherwise, and her foot eagerly hitting the ground only refuted what she feared.</p><p>
  <em>I usually </em>
  <em>prefer to </em>
  <em>watch those events, not participate in them. The difference is monumental and...</em>
</p><p>Amidst her own thoughts, Loan made one serious mistake: see the little teary eyes his cousin was giving to her.</p><p>"My dad told me about the event; He also told me that the best players fight there!" Bobby then began to jump in utter excitement, "I want to see it! I want to see it!"</p><p>"You know how much we boys like these things, and since you are the only one of his cousins who also likes it, I think it would be the best if you join us. Although of course, I'm not going to force you..." Lincoln clarified. His son, however, didn't agree with that last bit.</p><p>"Come on, Loan! Come with us, please!"</p><p>The girl sighed; her shy smile and stutters the preamble to her answer.</p><p>"Okay, I th- I think I can, just don't leave me alone. I'm not good at that kind of event... or any at all."</p><p>"Don't worry, I'll take care of you, and you'll take care of me," Bobby then looked at her with determination in his eyes, a flame that, for Loan, seemed too strong to be the product of a child who only wanted to watch others compete... but at the same time. Bobby's backstory was working in his favor, so Loan decided not to put doubt on the boy's intentions and see her cousin's emotion just as that.</p><p>"Let's use the Vanzilla then," Lincoln enthusiastically declared before pulling the keys out of his pocket. Loan dropped her backpack on the sofa and followed Lincoln to the van with her cousin by her side.</p><p>Upon reaching the vehicle, Loan coasted to the back; Bobby followed his cousin and sat next to her. Loan could notice with ease the boy's overjoyed state, his constants stare was a good hint... besides how much he grinned and chuckled out his pent-up emotions.</p><p>"it- it seems like at least one of us is excited," Loan commented before looking out at the landscape beyond the window.</p><p>"It's my first time in an arcade, moreover, it's my first time in a videogame event!"</p><p>"Wait, now to think of it, how do you know about video games?"</p><p>"Well, we had an old console at the orphanage, a gift from the community. I also learned about video games from the kids I played with on Sundays at church... oh rather the ones who let me watch them play..."</p><p>His tone had changed, and Loan noticed it immediately. She turned around and saw a hint of sadness in the boy, something that he was surely trying to leave behind.</p><p>"Well, now you can do a lot more than just watch." Do you know why? Because I will never deny you the chance to play my video games."</p><p>It took Loan several seconds to notice what she had said, and another couple of seconds more to notice that her hand was on the boy's shoulder; hand that she could not remove, for Bobby had taken the chance to move forward and lean his body over the girl, rubbing himself against her and sighing with joy.</p><p>Watching the scene from the rearview mirror, Lincoln couldn't help but laugh warmly, "Wow, Loan, I didn't know that side of you. You remind me of your Aunt Lucy, a girl with a great heart hidden beneath a grim and cold attitude. Haha, she would kill me after hearing that compliment.</p><p>Lincoln then realized that they were close to the mall, "well guys, we're getting closer now. Oh, by the way, Loan, I could get in trouble if an eleven-year-old is caught alone at the event, so I'll need you to keep an eye on him while he's with you.</p><p>"Eh?"  Loan leaned her body forward, "Bu-I thought you'd be with us too. W-wait, wait, eleven?!</p><p>Bobby nodded enthusiastically.</p><p>
  <em>I thought he was, like, eight. He surely is too short for his age.</em>
</p><p>"Well, yes, but I'll be in the oldest part of the arcade. Anyway,  I know Bobby would rather be with you." Lincoln answered.</p><p>
  <em>Well yeah, there is no doubt about that... but...</em>
</p><p>The boy was excited and had a hard time staying still; this was something new for Loan and...</p><p><em>I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with him... Bobby, please, calm down</em>.</p><p>But he just kept rubbing against her; screaming with excitement and jumping in his seat as he watched from the window the mall getting closer and closer.</p><p>
  <em>I want my quiet version of Bobby back!</em>
</p><hr/><p>The moment had come, the three of them had entered the arcade, Lincoln was paying his respects and the details of the mission, and soon after a map full of objectives, challenges and difficulties was opened before Loan.</p><p>The easiest thing was to focus on the simple objectives, at the back of the room there were ten stations with new consoles, each with a brand new game logo on top of them. But...</p><p>
  <em>Too many people, there are even boys of my age, they will see a girl among their ranks, that girl being me ... misfit weird girl equals a fetish for them... Nonono.</em>
</p><p>Second target to her left, two rows where stations and displays were separated by a meter in distance and a few inches in messy wires. There laid the consoles of previous generations, good for starting someone like Bobby. But...</p><p>
  <em>Adults and weirdos, I don't think they accept someone like me around them. Insults, offenses, preparing food in the middle of an arcade ... no, it doesn't work either.</em>
</p><p>The third objective, the competitive scene in the center of the arcade. Where most of the people were gathered under incandescent lights.</p><p>
  <em>BIG NOPE.</em>
</p><p>The clock kept moving and Loan was already out of options. In her hands was the fate of Bobby's happiness, but she couldn't make up her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Come on, Loan. Think, think.</em>
</p><p>The sweat began to form on his forehead and the lights of the place began to transform into a mist.</p><p>"Loan..." Bobby called her, "Loan, if you're worried we can go with dad."</p><p>"W-w-that. I..." Loan realized at that moment that her hand was squeezing the boy's one. "Bobby, damn, I'm so sorry I didn't realize I was hurting you."</p><p>"I'm fine sis... Loan..." Bobby's face fell upon the shame of misspelling his words once again. "I'm sorry, I called you like that... again..."</p><p>But truth is that those words brought an idea inside the girl's mind.</p><p>"No, Bobby, that's it!" Loan exclaimed, to which Bobby furrowed an eyebrow. "You keep calling me your sister and play along with me, okay?"</p><p>Bobby, still confused, preferred to follow the plan of his cousin, who took him to the area with new consoles and sat him in one of the stations.</p><p>"Ready little bro? I'm sure you're going to love this game," Loan said confidently and with fewer signs of trembling in her body. She then gave the boy a steering wheel control.</p><p>The best part: the other boys playing and watching weren't paying attention to her.</p><p>
  <em>That's right, I'm just the normal sister who's babysitting his little bro. They won't mind me here at all!</em>
</p><p><em>G</em>lancing at the section of the arcade where the twenty and thirty-year-olds were accumulated, she thought:</p><p>
  <em>Too bad that won't work on that side.</em>
</p><p>Loan turned to see how Bobby was going. He constantly crashed his car in the game every time he reached a curve, the boy looked at the wheel in confusion and shook it a couple of times as if he thought that the control was not working.</p><p>"Eaaasy, Bobby. The controls are very sensitive. Go and try again but try moving the steering wheel more slowly this time."</p><p>After saying this, Loan realized that in her position as a babysitter it would not be normal to know things like that, so she turned sideways slowly, trying to discover if someone had noticed what she said.</p><p>Fortunately, no one was interested in her. This gave free way to her nerves to cool off, and also freeway for what followed: hours of entertainment for little Bobby.</p><p>Loan saw this opportunity to give his little cousin a healthy dose of games to make up for all that he had missed. At first, it took into consideration the games within the console, but nothing else had three fast-action games where you could skip the story.</p><p>Seeing how the other boys did not notice her as she searched the digital bookstore, she realized that her plan was working.</p><p>With her new disguise working, she managed to go to the counter and ask the cashier about games for his <b><em>little brother</em></b><em>. S</em>he only had to worry about misnaming a few games so that her facade would remain intact.</p><p>Once with the games at hand, she just had to follow her goal, to make Bobby go through each type of video game experience in the shortest time possible.</p><p>First with platform games without a story, which Bobby liked until he saw the insane difficulty of some.</p><p>This was followed by the first and third-person shooting games, with voice chat was disabled for multiplayer, obviously. Loan wasn't going to let the internet trash mess with his little cousin.</p><p>Then it was time for superhero games, and from the smile she saw on the boy, Loan knew immediately that she had found one of Bobby's weak points. For this reason, and perhaps because Loan couldn't stop keeping her eyes out of the gleeful smile on the boy, Bobby's turn in that genre lasted longer than planned.</p><p>
  <em>Hehe ... just look at it ... so pure, so cute...</em>
</p><p>Loan was so drunk in the sweetness of the boy at that point that even a breathalyzer could have given her away. Her eyes were so focused on him and at the same time so lost from reality that she hadn't realized that they were the only ones left in that section of the arcade.</p><p>But it wasn't like she could do anything either, Bobby's laughs were the perfect drug for her.</p><p>
  <em>It's like a dream... the dim lights, the vivid colors, the glimmer in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>"Wow, I really feel like I'm flying!"</p><p>
  <em>hehe, <b>he</b>'s so full of life. I would like to stay like this, in this very moment... for-</em>
</p><p>And then the screen went black, pulling the two out of their specific trances.</p><p>"Loan?" Bobby was the first one to speak "Did I break the game?"</p><p>"Uh?" Loan had not yet fully returned to reality, but her subconscious helped her out, "No, I don't think, ah ... the others" she wiped her eyes and then looked around, the blurred lights that remained on made it difficult for her to see but even so she could handle herself within the dark place. "Everyone else is gone too. It must be because of the event."</p><p>"Oh! I want to see it!" Bobby said while, in the distance, someone was speaking to the public in the center of the room. The chatter made it difficult to understand the man's words, but it could be assumed that it was something important. "Loa-sister, could you take me to the bathroom?"</p><p>Loan noticed then that his cousin had his legs contorted, the boy had been holding on for who knows how long.</p><p>"O-oh sure, come on."</p><p>The toilets were located close to them so they didn't have to walk far to get there. However, Loan became aware of a serious problem when she started walking alongside Bobby.</p><p>The few lit lights she saw moved along with her, its mist disappearing long afterward. The girl swallowed and moved on, using her left hand to made sure to not trip over anything while holding Bobby with her right.</p><p>
  <em>This can't be happening, this can't be happening.</em>
</p><p>Loan felt the silence behind her, the sounds of the crowd had stopped ... but, she continued to hear them shortly after in the form of whispers.</p><p>But... were those whispers real?</p><p>
  <em>Calm down Loan, everything will be fine ... everything will be fine, you just forgot your pills in your bag, that's all.</em>
</p><p>They reached the bathroom shortly after. Loan leaned her back against the wall and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. The night was going great so far and she wouldn't let her condition keep Bobby from having fun. She had to hold out and be strong, at least for another hour while the competition took place.</p><p>She inhaled slowly, her head focused on the happiness she previously saw in the boy.</p><p>
  <em>I'll be fine ... I just have to hold out a little longer.</em>
</p><p>The sound of the water running down the sink was heard and shortly after Bobby returned to her side.</p><p>"Loan ..." Bobby rocked back and forth, touching his fingers with pity, "There is something I wanted to confess to you."</p><p>"Eh? Tell me," Loan then kneeled to hear him better.</p><p>"I'd love to see you compete, at least once."</p><p>Loan turned quickly to the center of the place, and then back to Bobby's imploring face.</p><p>"Just a fight, right?" His hands were shaking, "¿T-t-that would be enough, right?" The itch was returning and the coldness of the place only served to freeze the beads of sweat forming on his forehead.</p><p>She looked back toward the center of the event, her psyche transforming the people standing there into gray shadows of shallow forms, all illuminated by the white blaze of lights.</p><p>
  <em>Loan, you'll be fine, it'll just be a fight. No need to win ... no wait, YOU DO NEED TO WIN. For him.</em>
</p><p>Loan turned to Bobby again, but upon doing so she saw that he was no longer as excited as before.</p><p>"B-Bobby?"</p><p>"I don't like to see you like this... Let's forget-"</p><p>"No! Is fine, I'll be fine," she said with a shaky, forced smile, "I can endure a fight, I'll take a win for you, and then we can go, okay?"</p><p>Bobby still looked suspicious. His face could not even make a smile to raise Loan's spirit, even so, he replied: "Okay, one fight will be enough."</p><p>"Just one thing... Would you take me there?"</p><p>If Bobby's face previously denoted concern, now it was exclaiming fear. He had to restrain himself and calm his expression before taking his cousin by the hand and leading her to the center of the event.</p><p>Loan didn't see the need to hide his condition, she knew it was wrong to push herself that far and that she needed to leave the place, but she wasn't going to do it without giving Bobby what he wanted.</p><p>Bobby noticed as he carried her that other people were already waiting in line, and after witnessing Loan's determination, he knew that she would stay and wait if necessary. In this situation, Bobby could only do one thing, use his best card.</p><p>Temporarily separating from his cousin and with a firm step, the boy approached the judge of the event: a thirty-year-old with baggy clothes and a happy face that could not be removed even by force. It was there that he used his best ability to date, his tender puppy eyes.</p><p>"Sir... my sister is feeling very bad, but she wants to show me her worth before she leaves ... Could you give her a chance?"</p><p>The judge looked at him somewhat puzzled before turning to Loan. She avoided his gaze and continued to scratch her neck as she trembled.</p><p>"Sure kid, I'm just a little concerned that she's scratching herself so much. Are you sure she doesn't have anything weird on her skin?</p><p>"No, sir," Bobby clarified with confidence, "She's just a little nervous, nothing more!"</p><p>The judge nodded, understanding the situation of the two. Once the fight was over, he called Loan to come forward and handed her a joystick, which Loan had a hard time holding due to her nerves, but it didn't take long for her to grasp the control and go to her chair to start the fight.</p><p>Bobby crouched down beside Loan to accompany her and at the same time so that the other bystanders behind them could see. All Loan had to do now was pick his character and put up a good fight.</p><p>
  <em>This will end soon... </em>
  <em>she thought as her character landed the firsts blows.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If the dude doesn't defeat me first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Half of her opponent's life points were down and she was still beating him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My nerves will do...</em>
</p><p><em>The first round ended with her having a flawless victory. She sighed in relief and, as the game loaded the second round, </em>Loan turned her eyes to her little cousin, who with a cheerful smile was looking at the screen.</p><p>The fight was not a challenge for Loan, and because of this, her mind preferred to focus on other things, such as the happiness of the boy next to him. It seemed incredible to her that in the few days that they had met, a bond had already formed between them, and that Bobby could have so much confidence in her.</p><p>
  <em>Am I really that good Bobby?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is that why you look so calm and are so confident about me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or is it just me in an attempt to lie to myself and make me believe that I'm worth it?</em>
</p><p>There was no answer to those questions, there was no sound at all in fact. The whole place was literally silent.</p><p>
  <em>Huh?</em>
</p><p>Loan looked back at the screen, her character was dancing and laughing, celebrating her victory. Loan had won and she was so lost in thought that she didn't realize it.</p><p>"Loan, you won!" Bobby exclaimed before turning to her, "you swept the floor with him as if it were nothing, haha!</p><p>Loan glanced to the screen once again, and then at the control on her hands, knowing well that the right thing to do was to salute her opponent ... but she couldn't find the strength to at least see him in the eyes.</p><p>"Good fight, girl, you do have talent. Just an advice thou', I would look for gloves to <em>hide those disgusting sweaty hands of yours.</em>"</p><p>Loan got triggered for a brief moment, the victory of the moment serving as an anesthetic for that altered state.</p><p>
  <em>The truth is that my hands are sweating a lot.</em>
</p><p>The good thing is that Bobby was there with her and could walk her out of the place. If she couldn't even get a good grip on the control, it was silly to think that she could make the way out of the arcade by herself.</p><p>"Thanks a lot, Loan," Bobby said before tightening his grip on Loan's sleeve, "Now let's go back home..."</p><p>"Yeah... home, though... what if I play again? Would you like that?"</p><p>
  <em>I think I can still give one more fight, I can still watch the screen without problems so...</em>
</p><p>"No, it's fine." Bobby tightened his grip again, "I think we should go ..."</p><p>"Come on Bobby, I want to see you smile again while I play."</p><p>"Please, sister..."</p><p>
  <em>huh?</em>
</p><p>Bobby wasn't smiling, there were tears in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Why is he crying? I won, I ...</em>
</p><p>Loan stared back at the screen, her character was not the one dancing to the triumphant melody...</p><p>Little by little his ears began to pick up the murmurs in the background, the absolute silence disappeared, and the lights became more irritating to her eyes.</p><p>And while her chest hardened at the realization, a question popped inside her mind</p><p>
  <em>it was all an illusion?</em>
</p><p>Bobby kept squeezing her, calling out to her while crying.</p><p>
  <em>I caused this...</em>
</p><p>"Loan, please come back ..."</p><p>
  <em>I caused this ...</em>
</p><p>"<em>You caused this."</em></p><p>Loan clenched his fists and slammed both sides of his head.</p><p>
  <em>"It was your fault."</em>
</p><p>She looked around, but could only see shadows, shadows whose faces were deformed into abstract figures, there were eyes, there was a mouth, ears, and nose, but nothing seemed right, as if they were constantly moving but still had an overall shape.</p><p>"I can't..."</p><p>"<em>Of course you can't, you're just a defenseless girl."</em></p><p>Loan jumped out of her seat and almost made the control fell if not for Bobby's quick hands. She tried to cover her ears, but the shadows kept talking to her.</p><p>"It's all- <em>Where!? Where is everything!? </em>Well?</p><p>The sweat she spared ran down her body and under her sweatshirt, and like tiny greasy hands, she felt as if something was groping her skin. She disgusted it, she hated it; she shook her head and tried to calm herself, but couldn't. The only thing she managed to do was increase her heart palpitation and become even more scared at the idea of starting to hyperventilate, which only led her to breathe faster and stronger and-</p><p>
  <em>It's too much. I can't. I have to go. I have to go. I have to go.</em>
</p><p>Using only her memories of the place, Loan fled the arcade, leaving Bobby alone and crashing with various stations, objects, people, and chairs in the process.</p><p>As she ran through the corridors only one thought remained in her mind: <b><em>Silence</em></b><em>. </em>Loan needed to be alone, if her brain wanted to hurt someone, then that someone should be only her.</p><p>After several minutes avoiding eye contact with the other passersby inside the mall and leaving in terror at any display of sharp weapons and mannequins. Loan managed to find the exit of the mall and reach the parking lot.</p><p>But there was another problem, to leave the mall was easy, she only had to run in one direction until the first exit appeared. But now that she was out in the open and where the light posts were working against her, finding the family van seemed impossible.</p><p>Of course, that impossibility did not stop her, for greater was her fear of staying there alone. Suspicious of the circles of light floating out of place, the patterns on the ground that made her believe that she was moving in circles, and the constant whispering behind her.</p><p>Loan found the van...</p><p>And it was closed.</p><p>"Haha... well done, Loan."</p><p>"<em>Very well done, girl."</em></p><p>"Stop, please..."</p><p>"<em>If only you</em> had talked sooner that night-"</p><p>"Please... stop... I beg you."</p><p>"YOUR DADDY WOULD STILL BE ALIVE~"</p><p>Loan...</p><p>Loan was unable to stand it anymore. She sat next to Vanzilla, her clothes doing little to cover her from the cold of the pavement, from the night, from her sweat, and from the tears running down her face.</p><p>And as time went on the voices inside her head sounded more and more distant.</p><p>Crying calmed her symptoms, she already knew that, and yet she never considered it a resource to alleviate her condition. Crying was just a consequence, something inevitable, not a cure.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Click</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Her ears vibrated at the familiar sound of the van's lock being disengaged, one of the doors had been opened. When she looked up she expected to meet her uncle, but it was Bobby who greeted her.</p><p>"Come on Loan, my father will be here in just a moment. We must take you home."</p><p>Bobby helped her up and together they went into the vehicle.</p><p>"I'm really sorry for pushing you so far ..."</p><p>"B- bobby..." Loan didn't continue; as much as she wanted to comfort her cousin, the fear was stronger. "Medicine... rest..."</p><p>"I know, I know... don't worry, you'll be home in a moment." Bobby couldn't look directly at her, and his eyes could only express remorse.</p><p>"Bobby ... I don't... blame you," a sudden throbbing pain in her head stopped Loan from finishing her sentence, turning her last words into a muted screech.</p><p>This reaction changed the expression on Bobby, whose eyes were now wider and his body tense, "Loan, we'll talk about this later, just rest please." Then at that moment, a light sparkled within Bobby's eyes, "Let me sing you a song, okay?"</p><p>Loan nodded, anything was better than continuing to hear the voices inside her head.</p><p>Bobby composed himself and took a couple of deep breaths before closing his eyes.</p><p>From his mouth came a chorus, a soft and slow E minor that was in descent at first and then rose a high note at the end before starting again where it had started.</p><p>
  <em>Uuuuuh. Ahh</em>
</p><p>Loan's body tensed at first as she heard Bobby's vocal cords hum.<em><br/></em></p><p>
  <em>Uuuuuh. Aaaah</em>
</p><p>Something... something in Loan was waking up as her senses melted to the music. The voices were still there, but... they were so weak compared to how good she felt... It was the first time that Loan felt something in the music as if the melody were carrying her in its arms and snuggling her.</p><p>
  <em>Aaaaah, aaaaaaaaah, aaaaaa...</em>
</p><p>The melody was stopping and Bobby had reopened his eyes. What followed was a rhythm that reminded Loan of the games inspired on the medieval age, something a bard would've sung during their travels.</p><p>
  <em>There once lived a girl in a simpler time,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With night-like hair and skin so white.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wherever she went, everyone she'd tell</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What appears as mine, 'tis thine as well."</em>
</p><p>Loan was dumbfounded at the boy's voice. So soft and clear, the vivid tone of the song... and the lyrics...</p><p>
  <em>So she went through the world giving all she had</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Never feeling the need to claim it back</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everyone she'd meet would befall her spell</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What appears as mine, 'tis thine as well</em>
</p><p>Loan could tell that Bobby was emphasizing that last sentence.</p><p>
  <em>Counting the days of a shortening life</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Living the ways of a nursery rhyme</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Humming the tune of a ringing bell</em>
</p><p>Bobby then took her hands and held them close to his chest.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>What appears as mine is thine as well</em>
  </b>
  <b>.</b>
</p><p>Loan's mind was unable to bear so much sweetness together, and the voices inside her head were soon clouded by the feeling of euphoria the song produced.</p><p>
  <em>Some give a diamond for a stone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some give a stone for a diamond.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some keep all things for themselves.</em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>And some prefer to share it.</em>
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</p><p>Bobby finished her chorus by singing the melody from the beginning again, and just as Loan at first felt like she was being carried out of the world and her problems, that same song was returning her to where she belonged.</p><p>And upon arriving from such a wonderful journey, Loan obtained something that she thought was lost. Happiness; pure and palpable joy. The smile on her face was not broken, the tears that flowed from her eyes were not fueled by sadness.</p><p>She was crying, yet there was no sadness in her heart. She was crying ... and for the first time, it felt good to do so.</p><p>
  
</p><p>"The nun taught me that song, and I used to sing it to my brothers at the orphanage. It reminded us of the importance of thinking about the well-being of others, that it is easier to feel loved if everyone around you cares about offering love to you."</p><p>"Is... It's a beauti..." Loan was interrupted by her feelings, which fueled the impulse that led her to hug her cousin. "tha...thanks."</p><p>By the time Lincoln had arrived, he ran into the two hugging one another. Sighing in relief, he got in the car and said, "Sorry I'm late guys, at least it seems like things settled down a bit. How are you feeling, Loan?"</p><p>"I ..." Loan turned to her uncle and then back to Bobby, her smile slowly breaking again, "I feel better." Let's go home, Uncle Linc.</p><hr/><p>On the way back there were no words between them, the only interaction was that of Bobby sitting on Loan's lap, giving her comfort with his company. This gave Loan the opportunity to, in addition to being cheerful, ponder what had happened.</p><p>
  <em>It is the first time that I have been able to escape from ... <b>that situation </b>... without having to cry or drug myself until falling asleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is it wrong to want Bobby to stay with me for that?</em>
</p><p>Loan leaned her head over Bobby's and sighed placidly.</p><p>
  <em>It shouldn't be a bad thing... but after masturbating several times already thinking about him... it doesn't seem like I deserve to be by his side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'd like it thou'...</em>
</p><p>Loan gently squeezed the boy.</p><p>
  <em>I want the right to deserve him.</em>
</p><p>"Uncle Linc, can I borrow your phone for a moment?"</p><p>"Sure my dear, here." Lincoln carefully tossed the phone near where they were.</p><p>Loan quickly went to the contacts, Sister Lori, new message.</p><p>
  <em>Hi Mom. First of all, I'm fine, I'm on my way home. I need you to set up another date with Clare ...</em>
</p><p>Send message.</p><hr/><p>
  <b>Author's note: The song played by Bobby is the chant of selflessness, made by the artist 4everfreebrony. All the rights of the song belong to them and the other artist involved</b>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The White Mage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were few doctors in Michigan like Loan's, in and of itself, few are those who would go back to their place of work after their working hours. Mrs. Clare was different, the reasons for it and enigma to Loan; whatsoever, it wasn't important enough for her to worry about it.</p><p>Clare was a doctor she could trust, that was the only thing that mattered to her.</p><p>And for this reason it was that even though it was past eight pm, Loan and her mother were waiting inside their car in front of the doctor's office. Lori brought her skincare products and was spending the time nursing her daughter's skin.</p><p>"Your cheeks are a bit sore from yesterday ... but they will heal in no time," Lori then checked her daughter's neck, "it'll take longer to heal here... But nothing that the cream can't fix."</p><p>"Mom, why do you worry so much about this? I don't even care about my looks..."</p><p>"Loan ... in the eyes of someone who loves you, you will always look beautiful. I only do this because I, literally, know that your battered skin will end up harming you, and I don't want that for you."</p><p>Loan couldn't help but smirk at her mother's habits, "Mom, I hope that one day I'll <strong>literally</strong> understand why are you so attached to that word," Her mother outlined a smile in response and continued her ministrations.</p><p>After giving the proper care to her daughter's neck, Lori went on to check Loan's eyes. "Those bags have been lighte..." She paused for a moment and then settled away from her daughter to cough. "Ugh, stupid..." she coughed several times.</p><p>"Stupid cold!" Lori screamed, her voice strained and raspy.</p><p>Lori had no choice but to get out of the vehicle and mercilessly release the discomfort in her lungs. Loan looked at her mother from afar, her leg vibrating stealthily.</p><p>
  <em>Ugh... you know you had a bad cold and yet you choose to not let me go by myself.</em>
</p><p>Lori managed to free herself from her torment moments later and returned to her daughter's side. "In what was I? Oh yeah, the skin under your eyes is getting lighter. Have you managed to sleep better?"</p><p>Without her consent, the image of Bobby popped up in Loan's thoughts, causing her eyes to widen slightly.</p><p>"Yeah, ahm, the sleeping pills have helped. I just have to not forget to take them before bed..."</p><p>"Glad to hear it," she said before kissing Loan on the forehead. "I also heard from your teachers that you got an excellent grade on your last exam. congrats Loan, you did very well."</p><p>"If I was truly doing so well, I wouldn't be afraid to repeat the year..." Loan replied, one of her hands rubbing her arm in an attempt to appease her discontent.</p><p>"No, my girl, don't think like that ..." Her mother paused for a moment, "Look... high school isn't that important."</p><p>"You finished it, and college too... and now you're happy ..."</p><p>"Well, yes, being happy has been a little easier thanks to my achievements. But one of the biggest reasons I'm happy is because you're here... and because of the chocolate."</p><p>Loan, although happy to hear those words, had to raise an eyebrow at the last part of that sentence.</p><p>"What? It's delicious, and also don't look at me like that! I know full well that you love it as much as I."</p><p>Loan couldn't help but laugh at that truth. Her mother hugged her again, and for a brief moment, it felt good to receive that hug ...</p><p>"I want you to be happy, my little Loan. Look at these moments in school as something that will end in its given time. Once you finish high school you can find out how you want to spend the rest of your life. And I will be there to support you."</p><p>Loan liked that, the freedom that her mother offered to her was something she would always be grateful for. But...</p><p>There was always a <em>but </em>for her ...</p><p>
  <em>Why do you love me so much, mother? I have done nothing to deserve this affection...</em>
</p><p>Her question would have to wait for another time. From the rearview mirror of the car, the incandescent light from the doctor's truck came into view.</p><p>"Looks like she's already here. Mom, you better wait inside to avoid the cold."</p><p>"You're right, but I have to take care of some things and move the car to a better spot first, you can go ahead."</p><p>Loan nodded and got out of the car, the doctor getting out of her truck shortly after.</p><p>Dr. Clare, a young woman with pale skin, green eyes, and straight hair. She used to wear turtle sweaters and baggy pants to cover her figure from her younger patients. Although Loan knew that to hide the size of that chest would take more than a single piece of garment.</p><p>Unlike other days, the doctor had not combed her hair in the typical Japanese bun that she liked to use, her brown hair was loose and resting on her neck and back.</p><p>Loan greeted the doctor quickly before wrapping her arms around her stomach, a reaction that was due to both the cold and the thoughts running through her mind.</p><p>How to start the conversation? What to talk about specifically? How should she explain the things that have happened?</p><p>These and more questions kept coming and going until he found himself inside the office.</p><p>The doctor lay down her papers on the table in the center of the room and sat down on the cabinet. She motioned for Loan to come over and take a seat.</p><p>Loan still wasn't sure what to do. There were so many roads to take but none to start with ...</p><p>"Good to see you again, Loan."</p><p>"Thanks, I'm glad to see you too, Mrs. Clare..."</p><p>A simple greeting; It wasn't the best start, but it did let him know that he had already taken the first step.</p><p>"You being the one contacting me for another session is something admirable. I'd love to know the reasons behind it, but let's start with something more light," Clare said, conscious of how to make the environment pleasant for her patient. "Have you seen any positive effects with the pills I recommended?"</p><p>"Um, yeah, yeah," Loan settled into his seat, "The one I took before bed... I sometimes forget to use it, but it works, hehe..."</p><p>She then proceeded to scratch her neck as she continued, "I used the Adderall for two weeks, just as you told me to do so. It actually helped a lot, I can focus better now. And The last one... I keep taking it on a daily basis, it bothers me that the reaction is kinda slow, but it helps me to stop listening and seeing things that are not there so..."</p><p>"There's a stronger version, I might consider switching you to that one but I need the current a couple of weeks more first. Beyond that, I'm glad to hear that the meds are helping you"</p><p>Loan bit her lower lip, her heels tapping the ground rhythmically. "Th-the truth is, sometimes it scares me to think what would it be for me to <strong>be </strong>without those medications." She scratched and caressed her legs, "I sometimes wonder how much of this is me and how much medicine is the medicine... It is a doubt that has become stronger since he arriv..."</p><p>The doctor looked at the girl with intrigue. After noticing her situation, she told her to breathe in and take her time; and after taking a pair of cups from her desk, asked if Loan could wait for a few moments while she fetched some water.</p><p>Loan accepted and waited, yet her thoughts and fears were not eager to stop in the slightest.</p><p>
  <em>Come on Loan...</em>
</p><p>The girl took a deep breath.</p><p>
  <em>Clare already knows about your strange tastes, we both knew that at some point we would have this conversation.</em>
</p><p>The doctor returned shortly after, in her hands both cups emitted hot smoke, and hanging from the side of them there was a thread in each one.</p><p>"Nothing like a hot tea to ease the way out for those words that don't want to come out," Clare then offered one of the cups to Loan.</p><p>Loan felt some relief as she took the cup with both hands, the sweater made it the best it can, but the cold of the night, plus her nerves, had done already a lot of damage. "Yeah, I'm feeling better already."</p><p>"Good to Know. Take your time before drinking it. Meanwhile, we could start by talking about this person you met, the name alone will suffice for now; we can go step by step.</p><p>Loan took a deep breath, the tea scented with chamomile, pleasant and smooth. When she took the first sip, a sense of sweetness caressed her tongue; in addition to this, the flavor of the chamomile was not too strong, which was something good as so she would end up sleeping otherwise.</p><p>"Bo... Roberto. Roberto <strong>Bobby </strong>Junior," Loan replied and then took another sip.</p><p>"It's a nice nickname," Clare then sipped her tea, "Do you mind telling me a little more about him? Starting with how is your relationship."</p><p>Loan nodded, "Actually, we don't know much about each other, he just came into my life a few days ago. But..." A smile adorned her face. "We like the same things, and he has this unique way of being... so altruistic, it-it is like mixing up sweet, adorable, honest, protective... a-and when I'm with him I-I feel safe and..."</p><p>Clare could only watch intently as Loan lost her gaze in the smoke of the concoction.</p><p>"With him, for the first time, I have felt happiness. I've even cried out of happiness ... it was such a wonderful thing. Up to yesterday, I had never imagined that I could cry out of joy!" Loan exclaimed and finally looked at the doctor, only to recoil in utter shame of her own reaction.</p><p>"Don't be shy, my dear, showing your feelings is fine." Looks like you and that Bobby guy got off to a good start.</p><p>Loan stroked the edges of her cup, and after a slight sigh, she looked back at the doctor, "There's a problem... Bobby is a minor, he's only eleven. I haven't done anything wrong to him thou... not yet. That's what I'm afraid of; I feel that I could finally get better if I stay by his side, and at the same time I feel that I do not deserve the privilege to be with him... I feel that at any moment I could get carried away and... take away his innocence...</p><p>Clare looked at her mug and, after shaking it a bit, took a sip and set it on the table.</p><p>"Are you afraid that the medicine is the one holding you back?"</p><p>Loan nodded and then replied, "I feel like I'm not the person that spends the time with him. <strong>I am </strong>just the one who stays alone at night... <strong>thinking </strong>about him."</p><p>Clare placed her hands on Loan's shoulder and asked if she could check her head. Loan nodded, put her cup on the table, and leaned forward so the doctor could take a look. Clare was looking for signs of injury or inflammation in Loan's cranial cortex; marks from the past that Loan wanted to forget.</p><p>"Loan, I want you to know that those two sides of the coin are both you. The girl who enjoys her time with Bobby, and also the one who enjoys her time alone. They are both the same person, and that is something that my treatment will not change."</p><p>"I wish it could..."</p><p>"It is most likely that as you get to know yourself better the idea of a brew that can change who you are may not seem so pleasant," The doctor raised Loan's face and held it in front of her. "You have not done anything wrong yet, have faith that you can keep it up."</p><p>"But how do I know I will be able to do so? Sometimes I feel like I just need a little push, to miss once, or a moment of intimacy by accident, for everything to turn into chaos. And the worst part of it all..."</p><p>The doctor released her then, allowing her to take refuge again in the hot fog of the tea.</p><p>"The worst thing is that I know that if it weren't because of Bobby's age, I wouldn't be so attracted to him ... I know I wouldn't have given myself the opportunity to meet him. I wouldn't have opened up to him if it weren't for that."</p><p>"Then give me more information, tell me with details about your experiences with him; I don't care what led you to open up to someone, the important thing is that you did and that the expression I saw on your face when you talked about him is something I yearned for months to see."</p><p>Loan didn't react, her gaze still lost on the cup she was holding. There was no sparkle in her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Why do you tell me that? Just punish me and that's it. It is not normal for me to feel these things for a minor...</em>
</p><p>"I have a feeling that deep down you came in here with the intention of finding in me the voice of authority that will force you to stay away from him."</p><p>Once again, Loan nodded.</p><p>"Then let me tell you that I won't let that happen. You wanted to deserve the privilege of staying with him, didn't you?"</p><p>Loan nodded quickly.</p><p>"Well, let me tell you that I will do everything in my power to give you that privilege."</p><p>Loan couldn't help but smile. She recalled how she and Bobby were cuddling one another when they were in the Vanzilla.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you ... I wanted to ... I needed to hear that.</em>
</p><p>What followed was a long hour in which Loan updated the doctor with all the events to date, excluding her moments of intimacy.</p><p>From her reaction when she saw the boy for the first time, passing through the peaceful moments next to him, the anger when she saw him hurt, the jealousy she felt when she learned of a possible rival, the desire to see him happy during the EVO, the despair of having ruined that night for him, and finally, the moment they shared.</p><p>"To be honest, I'm still afraid to tell Bobby how good of a singer he is. Because that kind of skills could lead him to tours and concerts... and take him away from me."</p><p>"It's okay to be selfish for the moment, Loan, it's the first time you've had these feelings for someone else. Let them mature; Get used to them and you will be able to handle them better.</p><p>Even still, Loan was yet far from feeling secure. "And what should I do in the meantime? How do I handle these selfish feelings?" She squeezed the cup between her hands. "It's not only there that I'm selfish. Having him for myself, wanting for him to only visit me, wishing that the only time where we have to be apart is during class hours, yearning for him to feel something for me ..." She breathed in, her body eased up the tension a little bit, "All these are selfish things that I also want."</p><p>"They appear selfish because you consider that you are the only one who wants them. With time and dedication, those wishes that you have will be reflected. Not all," Clare corrected before taking another sip from her cup, already cold but just as sweet, "I cannot assure you that he will love you, not in the same sense that an adult would. But he can love you in another sense, as a family, as a best friend, as someone who will look out for you."</p><p>Clare rested her hand on the girl's cheek, and with a slight smile, added: "You can still be happy with him... and, well, if you're willing to wait for him... maybe there will be a chance for both of you in the future."</p><p>"I don't know Doc... what ..." Loan tried to look Clare in the eye, but glanced off halfway, "What tells me that the monster that I really am does not show itself first?"</p><p>"Your own love for the boy will do it, you want to protect him and give him the happiness that you yourself yearn for. that's what I saw reflected on your eyes when you told me about him." The doctor noticed the time marked by the digital clock on her desk. "There is one last thing I want to tell you before we leave, we can continue with this another day, and there is a topic that you mentioned which we need to talk about in the future.</p><p>Loan had an idea of what the doctor was referring to ...</p><p>
  <em>My father...</em>
</p><p>"I didn't have much left to say anyway..." Loan added, her thumbs circling around themselves and fidgeting.</p><p>The doctor settled into her seat and took Loan by the hand to capture her attention, and then said: "Beyond what we do, beyond the conditions in which we were born or the things that have happened to us. We all deserve to be happy. It is a right that is only taken from us when we hurt others," the doctor stood up and helped Loan stand too, "You also deserve to be happy, Loan; And every time you say no to those carnal urges, it's because you want that happiness too."</p><p>Loan, with a smile on her face and feeling how the air she breathed filled a gap that she did not know was there before, said: "Thank you, Mrs Clare, I still do not feel that I am worthy of hearing those words or having that happiness... But I'm very glad that someone else thinks I should."</p><p>"One step at a time, Loan. You'll understand what is holding you back from accepting what I am saying in its given time. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow, but at some point it will surely happen... and I feel that Bobby will help in that process, just keep in mind that he should not be aware that he is an emotional support for you, I don't want him to end up going here as well..."</p><p>"Understood, Mrs. Clare." Loan accepted her words with a thank you and left the room, better than how she had entered; with doubts still in her heart, and new reasons to move on.</p><p>Lori, her mother, was in the reception room, writing messages on her phone. She looked somewhat annoyed, Loan immediately thought it was due to one of her workers' doings. Once she finished, Loan spoke to her.</p><p>"Mom, I'm ready to go back."</p><p>Upon hearing her voice Lori's face instantly changed to a relaxed and happy expression, "that's excelent dear, do you feel better?" Loan shook his head, affirming, "I'm glad to hear that, my love. Well, let's go home then."</p><hr/><p>During the trip, Loan remembered the words of the doctor in an attempt to consolidate the hope bestowed unto her; But in the process, she also remembered something else...</p><p>"Hey Mom ..." Loan paused for a moment, her fingers tapping the hard surface of the door for comfort. "You think ..."</p><p>
  <em>Do you think dad would be ...? ¿ Pá I could have ayu - Do you think that if my Father ...?</em>
</p><p>"Is there something wrong, Loan?"</p><p>Loan was quick to deny, "No, nothing. I had a question but I still don't know how to put it in words. I'll tell you about it later."</p><p>"Okay, my dear, take your time."</p><p>Loan did indeed took her time, but the conviction wasn't enough to spend that time thinking about her father. It was a subject that was hard enough for her to avoid during her worst moments to ponder over them when she was lucid.</p><p>For that reason, that time was used to think about something more appealing: new scenes with her and Bobby that she would use for that night. After all, She had to pull all that desire out of her body to be better prepared when she met again with him.</p><p> </p>
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